(Originally published on Facebook November 4, 2008)

The Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender (GLBT) community has long suffered discrimination and injustice in this country on the basis of their sexual preference. No person deserves to be disrespected, mistreated, or harmed on the basis of race, creed, gender, or sexual preference. And although this seems like ridiculously obvious common sense to treat all people with respect, we all know that discrimination exists out there more than we’d like to admit.

Homosexuals are free to live how they wish without fear of repercussion or discrimination more so now than in recent years. The general public has grown less ignorant about issues pertaining to the homosexual community.

Yet the issue of GLBT rights still continues to be a divisive issue drawing the ire of conservative and religious groups and from a bunch of general “haters” who are neither conservative nor religious. The issue of homosexual marriage is particularly dicey.

Every human being deserves to be respected. We all agree on that. I feel the need to repeat this because respect is the true issue that seems to be buried in the garbage of rhetoric from advocates and opponents of same-sex marriage. Homosexuals deserve to be respected and recognized. So if we all agree that everyone deserves to be respected, this includes both homosexuals and heterosexuals. Therefore, heterosexuals deserve respect and recognition too, right? In case you’re not sure, the answer is yes.

Defining marriage as being between a man and a woman (Proposition 8) does NOT imply–although it is very easy to think—that gays are not worthy of respect, cannot build a life together, or are incapable of love. Some conservatives and religious fanatics may tell you otherwise, but I don’t represent either of those groups. Defining marriage is simply that. Defining it.

And there is nothing wrong with defining a word because words are very important and must be defined. Otherwise they literally lose meaning and so does the thing or idea they are tied to.

For example, I know many gay people who feel offended when others use the word “gay” to describe something weak or feeble. Can’t a husband and wife feel offended when they hear the word “marriage” being thrown around to wrongly describe a relationship dissimilar to their own?

There is nothing wrong with creating a new word. In fact, if it is right and necessary to recognize and respect homosexuals as an integral part of our diversity, could we create a unique word defining a homosexual union, recognizing its uniqueness? Yes we can!

Look. We recently added the words “crunk” and “Yogalates” (yoga and pilates) to the Oxford English dictionary. We can surely come up with a new word to describe a union between two men or two women. Seriously. If not, then that’s just laziness on the part of the gay community, society as a whole, and I give up on the English language!

Yes, crunk is now an official word.

I don’t have any creative suggestions of what to call this homosexual legal union, but I think we could come up with one that didn’t use the word “marriage” in it. Why not? GLBT relations are meaningful and unique. And they are different. This is a fact. Not an opinion-fact but a fact-fact (see, I just made up a word!). And not different in a bad way, but just different (people assume different is bad).

Homosexual partnerships are different not because tradition or religion or a handful of crazy people say so but because my eyes and ears and hands say so. A 1st grader could spot the difference between a gay couple and a straight couple just by looking at them.

And guess what. There’s nothing wrong with being different! In fact, it’s the differences we’re trying to embrace, not hide behind words.

Just as it is important for the gay community’s voice to be heard, it is important for straight people’s voice to be heard too (or does that not apply to them?).

The definition of marriage may not be important to all, but it is still very important to many– enough so that we place it in the hands of our law and Proposition 8 to define it as such.

Proposition 8 seeks to draw clear lines around what society and the law will define as marriage. And married couples have as much right to say, “Hey, gay people can have a loving relationship too, but can we call it something else other than ‘marriage’ please? We kind of need that word.”

Or again, did I miss something? Are married couples excluded from this dialog? Do they not have their own rights to protect too?

Defining marriage between a man and a woman under Prop 8 does not take away the rights GLBT’s currently enjoy, which are identical to those of married couples, under California’s domestic partner law (Family Code 297.5). So you can all relax.

Homosexuals are not seeking a title, or a word to define their relationships. They seek respect—respect that they have been lacking for so long. But Proposition 8 is not about disrespecting homosexuals, although again it can be easily misconstrued to be. Rather, it’s about respecting the people for whom marriage still holds meaning and who want to solidify this meaning into the law through Proposition 8.

The danger in re-defining marriage to include “everyone” opens the flood gates—not now but maybe decades from now—to include anyone and anything. I’ve been living with my roommate for years now, but it would be great to have legal benefits if we got “married.” Is that cool? A single parent is living with his or her child whom he/she loves and cares for. Can they call that a “marriage” to save on taxes? Hell, my dog loves me more than anything in the world! Can we get married?

What about in the more serious cases of incest, polygamy, polyandry, and the like? Can they call that marriage to save a few bucks on taxes and apply for a few more Costco cards? For real.

If you think this is just stupid crazy talk, 30 years ago it was unheard of for two men to openly express their love for one another in some parts of the country. 30 years from now this crazy talk about relatives marrying each other may become law.

Advocates for homosexual marriage claim they have a “right” to call their partnerships a “marriage.” But just because I say that I’m African-American, it doesn’t mean that I am. I’m Asian-American. There’s nothing wrong with that. But no matter how much I want to be Black, I won’t be Black.

This is like me, an Asian man, thinking I deserve a college scholarship given to outstanding African American women because I grew up around them, and I feel absorbed into their culture as one of them. Yes, I have a “right” to apply for that scholarship. Colleges also have the “right” to reject me for being an idiot. I’m not a woman, nor African-American, and if I’m dumb enough to fool myself into thinking that, I’m probably not outstanding either.

And before you call me a homophobe, if you haven’t already, I counted 25 openly gay or bisexual friends on my facebook page alone (not including MySpace or Friendster either!), many of whom I am proud to call a good friend. We disagree on some things, of course. But that doesn’t mean we can’t treat each other with respect. And besides, it’s our commonalities, not our differences, that make us friends in the first place. And certainly I risk many of those friendships by writing this today.

I didn’t bring up the issue of same-sex marriage being taught in schools because the first and last teachers of our children are the parents. Period. If we do our job as parents, they could throw anything they want at my kids, and they’ll turn out alright because I did my job.

Schools can teach kids about same-sex marriage all they want, but if respect isn’t taught by the parents, enforced by the teachers, and practiced in the real world, nothing changes for the better for anyone.